Find out the "I"

 When I was old enough to understand myself, I always thought that I will be different,I won't do what others do,I won't dress like others do,I won't behave like others do...I would stand out,with my thoughts,behavior and actions...I would set an example...I would do what I want to do and not follow others blindly....but alas,this dream always remained unfulfilled

In a few years I realized that I was exactly doing the same thing as thousands and lakhs of others are doing...where was my individuality?why was my dream of being different suppressed?

It's easy to blame situations,circumstances and people...but no these are not the real reasons...the real hindrance to being "me" is me myself. We are always afraid to flow against the tide...we are scared that if we ought to be different we will be thrown out of the race by others....what is the race about? the race for everything...eating well,looking good,working in a big company,marrying the right person,exceeding in life....this is what matters in life...if you are different,people laugh at you,they mock you.

Thats why we live in a world where eberybody is like somebody and nobody is different...we all have same dreams,same ambitions,same mindset.We won't hesitate to cut each other's throat to topple the opponent and move forward.

Everybody wants to dress to kill,everybody wants the high profile job,everybody wants to show off and flaunt their extravagant lifestyle.OK fine,there's no harm in competition...a healthy competition always ensures better results...but today is the competition healthy?? It's anything but healthy.Everyone wants to undermine the other person. Some people think that u r too ahead of them and hence they will start behaving indiferently towards you and you will be left guessing as to what went wrong between the two of you,and some people think that they are far ahead of you...in that case too they behave indifferently just to show that they have what you don't,they can do what you can't and they will handle the relationship with you acording to their whims and fancies just because they have something which you don't like better financial condition,better status in society or even a better home/car!

Is this what we call friendship? yes...in this fake world this is what  friendship is all about. I need not go beyond  my life to make my point understandable....I love cooking and I post my pics in the social site....this simple hobby of mine has got serious implications in few people's mind like :

1. She wants to show off that she eats well even if she is states

2. She wants to show off that only she can cook and rest all of us are fools

3. She wants to show off as if she is the only loving and caring wife in the world

Few others think in this way:

1. Oh she's on H4,sits at home the whole day,nothing better to do

2. She's just a housewife happy with the thought that she cooks well

3. She's a fool doing all nonsense stuff

Well,after analyzing all these,I once thought I will stop posting pics. But on 2nd thoughts I realized,why should I change myself based on perceptions of others? If they can think what they want, why can't I do what I want? And thus,though in a very triffle matter,yet I tried not to get influenced by others and maintain my own individuality.And from this, I have made one more conclusion that from now on,no matter what, I will do what I want to do and not what others do or expect me to do in every sphere of life!!

It's a strange world!

People say ,"when life offers lemons,make lemonade". OK point taken,but what do u make out of life when it springs out unpleasant surprises & strange situations?
I am not here to crib about mundane events of our monotonous lives,I know no one is interested to read this. But strangely enough,off late for reasons best unknown to me,people with whom i shared affable aquaintanceship (at leat I thought so) have showered me with indifference. But the strangest part is, they are not the people with whom i meet everyday,I talk everyday or about whom I gossip everyday. They may be thousands of miles away from me,yet they have made their behaviour obvious for me to pen my feelings in this blog.I am not upset,or angry,or sad or anything else. I am just blank as I fail to understand the reason behind such odd behaviour without even meeting/speaking for a long long time.We all being part of civilized society know very well that a problem can only be solved if discussed. I understand not everybody i meet in my life will love me,rather out of 100 I meet,only 1 may like me.But my point is,why do people suddenly decide that they do not want to continue being friendly with a certain individual? As if they see some demons coming in their dreams and warning them not to keep the relation going.
No one is perfect in the world,we all have shortcomings but we accept everybody else with their shortcomings so that the journey of life gets easier,so that we are not alone in this big bad world,so that we have people around us when we need them the most. Then why to some people behave in entirely opposite manner?
I don't know if this happens with others too,or I am the chosen one....but at times when we retrospect our life we seek answers to these questions. The more I think,the less I seem to comprehend the strange weird behaviour of certain people.
Is it insecurity,competitive feelings,jealousy or plain mean mindedness is difficult for me to answer.
But i just wanna reaffirm one point to those people,that however hard u might try, u cannot change anybody else's destiny. The share of pain,the share of happiness,the share of love that we all are destined to get cannot be lessened by this sort of behavior...
But yes, I would oneday like to know the answers to my questions to satisfy my restrospection.

Adipose overdose: Few confessions ;)

"You are not fat,you are healthy"....Haven't we (people who are on the higher side in terms of weight) often heard this phrase from our loving moms or friends who never wanted to answer the question,"Am I fat"? Though heart in heart we,or rather I always know that I am much more than healthy. Right from childhood I have never been so conscious about how I look. Though with time, I understood more about fashion and dress sense,yet till now I can't call myself an impeccable dresser.Well,that's another story. But in midst of growing up,finishing B.Tech or managing office, I never noticed that the byproduct of modernization,fast food is making me bulkier by the day. The passion of rising higher professionally was so into me that I never noticed that adipose tissues were making their home in my body and by the time I realized,I guess it was too late!! I went to glitzy malls but couldn't buy that shimmering top which I loved in the first sight,I went to beach but couldn't roam around in shorts, I went to parties but coudn't wear that little black dress..why?? Because I am overweight. And so trendy tops made ways for kurtis and shorts made ways for capris...And the realization dawned that something needs to be done and fast..time is running out.I saw sultry damsels in hour glass figures wherever I went...in office,at malls,in my paying guest house...and I used to think why God had to make me fat out of so many people around me...This thinking would directly take me to my genetics class and I would happily pass on all blames to my maternal genes (as people on my paternal side are all slim and trim). How I wished that I could mutate that gene and change my appearance. And then oneday desparation gave in and I went to a very posh high profile gym. Oh yes I need to lose weight!! But as expected managing a hectic job role and then landing straight at gym took its toll and my gym days got numbered..Here I was again back to square one. Days passed into months and months into years. But nothing has changed.Now I don't have that hectic job,I don't need to run here and there for a gym but have I changed? The answer is no..sometimes I am high with motivation and the other moment I am back to being my self..and oh yes I forgot to mention that ever since I am in USA, I have made myself available to mouthwatering pizza,burgers and loads of soda!!
Hopefully my motivation will win over my weaknesses oneday and I shall be a changed person both physically & mentally !!!

Dreamz unlimited

Sometimes I wonder if one life is enough for all of us to achieve whatever we have dreamt or we dream of achieving everyday. Yes true,people say that if there is a will,there is way..but is true always? At least I don't feel so. We all have limitations and sometimes we get bound by them..we feel like helpless birds whose wings have been cut and are unable to fly. And then we try to find solace in the monotony of the ongoing events of life and our hearts believe that not all things are attainable,not all dreams are achievable.And then again we see new dreams,we think of materializing them. This vicious cycle goes on and on and one day our life ends hopping on and off between  the possibilities and impossiblities.
I wanted to do so many things in life: I wanted to study further,wanted to continue my dance,wanted to do my bit in social service,wanted to write,wanted to climb up the corporate ladder and what not. Well I don't say that I couldn't do anything,but all in bits and pieces. Sometimes I couldn't do due to my lack of focus,while some other times it was circumstances which forced to act otherwise.And when i sit thinking about them, about missed opportunities,about lack of time to pursue my interests,about situations which did not allow me to follow my dreams,again a ray of hope gleams into my eyes which says that the battle is not lost yet...I can do all the things which I ever wanted or dreamt of but may be I need to wait for the right moment and proper timing.And only this mere thought brings back my lost smile....Only time will tell if my dreams will materialize or I too,like others will get entangled in the vicious cycle of might and might not!!