Far, very far from my loved ones as I spend my birthday all my myself myriad thoughts occupy my mind. When my mom and dad wish me over phone, I almost choke and could barely hid my tears. You ask,but why? there's nothing to be sad...yeah true but after so many years of being away from them, I suddenly feel lost and an urge to be with them engulfs me instantly.
When was the last time I spent my birthday with them? May be in school,or may be in college I don't even remember.All this while being away trying to establish ourselves,trying to find our foothold in this world.And somehow we did not even realize it has been almost 7 long years that we have been out of the country we call our motherland.With tight weekday schedule and party laden weekends,we sometimes think this is what life is all about. But it is in these moments of solitude that we realize that we are so alone.You live in the most developed (really?)country where you have every amenities at your fingertips but still you are alone. You have more parties than you can attend yet you are alone.Life is robotic and mechanistic. You can only have fun once the clock starts ticking past 5 on Friday evening and you need to stop by Sunday evening. Sometimes it makes me wonder is this what we wanted? probably this is the price we need to pay to be successful. But who describes success? Is there a definition? People ask all the time why don't you come back to India? I sincerely wish we had simple answers to that question.The more I am aging, the more I am trying to find the real meaning of life,real meaning of happiness,real meaning of feeling content. Sometimes everything surrounding us seem vague and hollow and I feel myself to be a misfit.But then I rethink everyone else too is struggling like I am.Everyone else is sacrificing so many things in life to make a decent livelihood, to provide a comfortable living for the family.
We are all alone in our journey,each one of us battling our own struggles.I remember my hostel days when we did not have much money but we used to have fun,not just weekends but everyday. We did not care if we slept less or we were tired.Life has changed so much.Days change to months and months to years and we long for a chance to visit home. You need to think about one thousand things even before you plan to go home. Visa,time off from work,stamping issues.Why has life become so complicated? Why do we have less and less control over our own lives? Why does our career,our happiness everything depend on policies of corporates and government? Why can't we chose to be home when our near ones need us? Why is every decision of my life not my own?
Is this the price we pay to become fortuitous? And trying to be successful in life we have all become alone.Alone to face all difficulties,alone to fight our everyday battles.
We are all alone in our journey,each one of us battling our own struggles.I remember my hostel days when we did not have much money but we used to have fun,not just weekends but everyday. We did not care if we slept less or we were tired.Life has changed so much.Days change to months and months to years and we long for a chance to visit home. You need to think about one thousand things even before you plan to go home. Visa,time off from work,stamping issues.Why has life become so complicated? Why do we have less and less control over our own lives? Why does our career,our happiness everything depend on policies of corporates and government? Why can't we chose to be home when our near ones need us? Why is every decision of my life not my own?
Is this the price we pay to become fortuitous? And trying to be successful in life we have all become alone.Alone to face all difficulties,alone to fight our everyday battles.
So if your birthday falls on a weekday, you have nothing to do but whine and pen down such boring monograph sitting alone at home.Because celebrations have to wait till it's Friday evening!!
Excellent writeup!!! You truely expressed the feeling and definition of success. Happiness was there in simplicity, not in success. loneliness is all along and everyone has to crave their own path. Charoibeti!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks a ton Adris da. We all seem to run towards something but we don't know what. There is always a vague emptiness inside us.But I guess that's life!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely true. Also I feel like we have been into a trap, many times we behave in a way which is not the inner-self of us rather the influence of an ongoing complex system in our surrounding. That makes things even more complex and the loneliness or emptiness becomes more evident. Few things are beyond our control and we have to live with that, but certain things united we can change for the betterment of our future and create example for the next generation. If we all can do that, might be in an older age we will get some satisfaction, and weighting factor of gain would be more compared to loss and sacrifice we made.
DeleteHad so much heavy weight discussion. On a lighter note when we sit with friends over two pegs then we realize "whatever happened, happened for good; whatever is happening, is happening for good; whatever will happen, will also happen for good only. What did you lose that you cry about? You did not bring anything, whatever you have you received from here, whatever you have given, you have given only here. what is yours today, belonged to someone else yesterday and will belong to someone else tomorrow. You are mistakenly enjoying the thought that this is yours. It is the false happiness that is the cause of your sorrow." So "karmanye vadikaraste ma faleshu kadachana". Cheers!!!
LOVED IT! Very nicely put through....the reality that we all have been experiencing on a daily basis. No one ever tells us that emptiness weighs the most, but we feel it...and we cry not because we are weak but because we have been strong for too long. Take care!
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