My worst nightmare !

It was 12th of August 2014. I had a doctor appointment at 12.30 pm and so I decided to skip work that day (I was interning at a medical research lab). The usual nightly call to parents was made at morning 11 instead and at once i felt  something was not right at the other hand. A very frail sounding maa said hello and i could feel something is wrong. I asked Maa what are you doing and she just said nothing. This is not my maa,usually whenever I call she speaks with so much excitement and today she is barely speaking. I said,Maa is everything alright? why do you sound so different?where is dad? there was a moment of silence and a long gasp and then holding up tears all she could manage saying is hes not feeling well. he is taking rest.These words were enough to had me in tears and anxiety and i began crying on the phone asking what happened ma tell me everything.Although she tried not to sound too serious but said that his blood pressure suddenly rose too high but the doctors said he is okay. she was reassuring me again and again that that everything was fine and that he would get better soon. But I knew the matter was not as simple as my mom is making it sound. I finished talking to her on phone and began crying inconsolably.My dad is everything for me.He is my best friend,my critique,my guide my inspiration.I just could not bear the thought that he was ill.But thinking about what she said about blood pressure,I suspected dad might have had a stroke . I called back home after 10 minutes and confronted my mom if dad has had a stroke. That was it,my mom broke down on the phone and said that my dad has had a major cerebral stroke again assuring me that he is doing fine now.As I started crying again,she handed over the phone to dad. All I could hear from the other end were few incoherent lines trying to say ami thik achi (I am fine).His incoherent voice, inability to understand my words made my worse fears come true. He was not fine at all. I went completely blank,did not know what to do.I just wanted to be there in a minute and be with my mom and dad. I was inconsolable. My husband stood like a rock beside me. But for me it seemed like the end of the world. My kind hearted school friend who was at that time at Agartala told me she would visit my dad and let me know the real situation. But the shocks did not end there. When she tried to visit him at home,she came to know from my uncle that he is in hospital for last 4 days, had a severe cerebral hemorrhage and is very unwell. The only positive thing was he received the right treatment on time which prevented a paralysis. But his speech,his cognition,his posture everything was damaged . He could not speak properly,he could not stand up on his own,he could not think straight. My mother's world came crashing in front of her. Me and my sister both were thousands of miles away. I wanted to run away at that moment but could not,I was in the middle of a semester and I had visa issues.I would cry for hours and try to hold my composure when i called my mom or tried to speak to dad. With his incoherent speech,he would just try to tell me that he is getting better. I knew this was the most toughest period any family could go through and I was not able to do anything. My hands were tied. My mom is an iron lady and once again she proved it by handling all difficulties alone. My dad was completely dependent on her. His doctors,his medicines,his daily chores,his food,his physiotherapy she had to manage eveything.Yet she always sounded strong on phone. I was doing my MS here in US and every time I said that I would fly back home,my mom sternly said no. You finish your studies. I can manage here.Your dad will never be happy if you  skip classes and come here.She would always insist that if required she would call me and ask me to go.With medications and care my dad began recuperating,albeit very slowly.My mom helped him get back on his feet again. 
2 years have passed since dad had stroke and by God's grace,things are much better now. But deep down I always have the guilt of not being able to be there for my parents when it was most required. From birth they have always been there with me at all times good or bad.But I know my parents are happy and proud of me.I finished my masters and both of us visited home last tear.And seeing my dad at the airport i had tears of joy.I know I was not be there physically at the time of crisis, but I have suffered equally. Each day has been a battle from me,each phone call sent shivers down my spine thinking that it might be from home,each phone call unanswered on the other end had me in tears.I had sleepless nights,I could not eat,always thinking about my father.
I am immensely grateful to God that we have overcome this difficult period and pray that we do not have to ever face them again.

Let Go

These two words are almost synonymous with break ups,moving on, forgetting the past and so on. But we do not realize that in everyday life we "let go" of so many situations, so many people, so many circumstances just to hold on a relation. We think that's the best thing to do. We fear that if we don't, it might harm a relationship, it might be detrimental and so on. We know it's not easy because the pain inflicted on us lingers even if try to forget the damage they caused. The emotional turmoil disturbs us even after we let go of their mistakes, but we continue to compromise day after day. But have we ever thought what good it does to us? If a friendship or a relationship is alive only because you chose it to keep alive by forgetting and forgiving does it really feel like a genuine friendship/relationship? We always think that we cannot survive if friends leave us or someone goes away from our lives, but the truth is we can. When ingenuity forms the base of something, it’s better that it stops existing rather than being  kept alive and it continues to pain us time and again. Yes true momentarily it will cause heartbreak will make us feel alone in this big bad world but having fake relations is way worse than not having it. and everybody will agree with me on this. So let's not "let go" to keep an ailing relation alive, rather let's let go of the fake relation which is causing pain.
 
 When you achieve something worth celebrating or being happy about but people who you think matter to you are indifferent to your success or hesitate to be part of your celebrations, it's time to let go
 
When people around you put on a big fake smile forgetting that you know how their real smile looks like and appear hollow it's time to let go.
 
When you feel downgraded by people whom you trust, it's time to let go
 
When you feel you lack support from those quarters where you expected the most, it's time to let go
 
When you feel you hold less importance in someone's life than what it should be, it's time to let go
 
When you are the one who always gives and no one cares to return, it's time to let go
 
When all you get from people around you is negativity, it's time to let go
 
When your pain does not bother them in any way, it's time to let go
 
When you feel that you are taken for granted, it's time to let go
 
When you feel you are being ignored, it’s time to let go

 

Some of us think that holding on makes us strong, but it’s letting go which does!!